SUSPICIOUS WHITE POWDER
January 7, 2002 - The total casualty count for recent terrorism is increasing, as suspicious white powders continue to surface across the nation.
The famous Doughboy remains in serious but stable condition after being accidentally hosed by a Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) haz-mat team, in response to a "suspicious white powder" found in Pillsbury executive offices.
When conscious enough to speak with the media, Doughboy told reporters, "I'm proud to be a Floured American, and my reaction to this unfortunate accident is to consider it part of the price of patriotism. This is a diverse nation, and many doughs are misunderstood."
Relieved Pillsbury co-workers shared Doughboy's statement via satellite, and sent him gift baskets of butter, sugar, flour and water. Close friend, Betty Crocker, airlifted a special batch of real vanilla flavoring to Doughboy, in hopes it would cheer her friend.
"These people will pay," said Crocker.
Hospital workers asked that gifts of powdered donuts, the culprit for the earlier Pillsbury contagion scare, be donated, instead, to the Salvation Army.
"They always have great coffee," said an assisting nurse.
Doughboy declared he would not pursue legal action against FEMA, even though one allegedly enthusiastic team member repeatedly aimed her hose at Doughboy's belly.
In a related incident, Johnson & Johnson Industries had their share of unease yesterday when a white powder scare was reported in their baby products division.
Mona Talcum, official spokesperson for the baby powder giant, told reporters the white powdery substance found leaking from a janitor's cleaning cart turned out to be a bleaching agent, and only posed a threat to germs and stubborn stains.
January 7, 2002 - The total casualty count for recent terrorism is increasing, as suspicious white powders continue to surface across the nation.
The famous Doughboy remains in serious but stable condition after being accidentally hosed by a Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) haz-mat team, in response to a "suspicious white powder" found in Pillsbury executive offices.
When conscious enough to speak with the media, Doughboy told reporters, "I'm proud to be a Floured American, and my reaction to this unfortunate accident is to consider it part of the price of patriotism. This is a diverse nation, and many doughs are misunderstood."
Relieved Pillsbury co-workers shared Doughboy's statement via satellite, and sent him gift baskets of butter, sugar, flour and water. Close friend, Betty Crocker, airlifted a special batch of real vanilla flavoring to Doughboy, in hopes it would cheer her friend.
"These people will pay," said Crocker.
Hospital workers asked that gifts of powdered donuts, the culprit for the earlier Pillsbury contagion scare, be donated, instead, to the Salvation Army.
"They always have great coffee," said an assisting nurse.
Doughboy declared he would not pursue legal action against FEMA, even though one allegedly enthusiastic team member repeatedly aimed her hose at Doughboy's belly.
In a related incident, Johnson & Johnson Industries had their share of unease yesterday when a white powder scare was reported in their baby products division.
Mona Talcum, official spokesperson for the baby powder giant, told reporters the white powdery substance found leaking from a janitor's cleaning cart turned out to be a bleaching agent, and only posed a threat to germs and stubborn stains.
posted by Emily Moore at
4:09 PM
